Running Etiquette 

An ode to asshole running club runners: (googles how to write ode)

Oh asshole running club runners,

Here, there, fucking everywhere! 

You stand there in lane 8, lean, malnourished and giggling with judgey eyes.

You oogle and stare at us slow, non-running club runners-laughing about PR’s and your pronation- not even stretching just babbling bullshit and gossiping about other runners. 

Oh asshole running club runners,

You see me now, as you saw me during my last lap, red faced, breathing heavy, feeling heavy, looking a little heavy, and staying in lane 8. We lock eyes, you continue to belly laugh in your over-priced spandex, with your sweaty thin friends. NOT MOVING A GOD DAMN INCH. 

Oh asshole running club runners,

You have now moved, only to run clockwise to the standard track runners counterclockwise direction…. in lane 8. 

I hope you step on that geese poop in lane 8, since your so fast you probably won’t see it….oh, asshole running club runners.

-slow ginger runner-

I have to say I ran track and field, although mostly a field girl, for 4 years in high school. There are rules you follow:

  • When someone is in the fucking zone, and you are in the way, you move.
  • Don’t wear cleats on the track
  • Don’t spit gum on the track
  • The track get slippery when it’s wet, watch ya damn self

Also some race etiquette:

  • Don’t run more than 2 people wide.
  • If you are about to drop speed hands above your head in x and drop to whichever side you are closer to.
  • If you know you won’t win, shitting your pants isn’t ok.
  • Always say thank you to the volunteers.
  • Be mindful of where you throw your water station cups.

I hope at the very least someone learned something from this post, or at least got a good chuckle from it.

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